Dream: 7 days dream

March 5-11, 2010

It all started Friday night when I dreamt the Crushing Defeat Dream. Angel was talking about a special kiss with someone special and part of me expected it to be me. When she kissed someone else days later, I was quite devastated. This dream had me in a pretty bad mood Saturday morning. After church, I saw Angel while I was still on stage practicing. I really wanted to talk to her but I couldn’t because of practice so I told myself I’d talk to her when we got to her house. When we got there though, when I got upstairs, I didn’t give her a hug after Bryan did because it felt too unnatural for me. Then while we were eating, I was quiet the whole time, which upset me seeing as she was sitting next to me. I thought to myself, “How can I be right next to her and say nothing? Is this all I am, how far I’ve come? I’m just going to stay an acquaintance forever?” I was ready to accept failure and give up but just before leaving, I went outside to be alone. Then Angel came outside for a while. I messed around with her like everything’s normal, like I’m supposed to, and that boosted my confidence. Then that night and the next night, I had wonderful dreams of being with Lifa. So on Monday, I was once again hopeful. So I wrote the Dream Journal entry about those three dreams but this time, I used Angel’s name instead of hiding her identity. The whole day I was a bit worried about what would happen when people read it but I was a bit exited to have the secret out. That night I had a similar euphoric dream with Lifa and the next morning I went to check my facebook. I found no comments on my blog which upset mea little. I didn’t let it get to me though, so I reposted the link and then left it alone. Later that day, I became pretty active on facebook with the questionnaires. One question was about if I wanted to kiss Angel. I answered it truthfully. I had one last euphoric dream and then Wednesday morning checked my facebook only to be once again disappointed with what I found. Almost everyone except Angel had responded to my posts. Not only did it seem she was ignoring me, but she had her status as the lyrics to some song. Her friend said she knows who she was singing to and that chick doesn’t even know me so I know she wasn’t talking to me. I was so pissed. I really felt like giving up now. I told myself I was just going to finish my songs for her, tell her everything and then go back to being a loner. I walked around for a while outside, thinking about my music when I almost stepped on a butterfly. No butterfly had ever let me get close enough for that to happen. I stooped down to get a closer look at it and even took a few pictures of it. I walked around it until it finally flew away. I was trying to find an analogy with Lifa and the butterfly when I suddenly remembered that I wasn’t even trying to go out with Angel. Why should I care if she likes someone else, it doesn’t change anything. I wondered to myself, would I really be able to be close to her and tolerate her liking someone else. I decided I was sure I could, seeing as I did before. A bit later I began looking back at how foolish I had been lately and I started to wonder how I got here. How did I end up falling for this girl? Well, early the next morning, I woke up and realized I hadn’t dreamt of her. I thought to myself that that was probably good thing and tried to get out of bed. I was way too tired to get up so I just went back to sleep and immediately I went into a dream of Angel. I dreamt that we, the Eliathah Pathfinders and some others including Angel, were at some kind of camp. It was dark throughout the dream and the sky was sunset red with black clouds. At some point in the dream, I had to watch some of the adventurers by myself. I was pretty upset because I wanted to be with Lifa. I tried hard to get out of that responsibility and almost succeeded but then Angel came to help out so of course I stayed. I kept trying to interact with her but the infernal kids kept acting up and demanding our attention. I had another dream after that about us being chased by murderous old people but that is at this point irrelevant. When I got on facebook Thursday morning and checked Lifa’s page, I noticed that she became a fan of “boys sneaking up behind you and hugging your waist.” That reminded me of all the things I had wanted to do with her and even recalled memories of my time with Alicia and how I always either had my plans thwarted or chickened out. I thought of how normal people do that stuff all the time. Why does it seem so foreign and unnatural to me? I felt very helpless and insignificant. But I just distracted myself with my duties. That night I hardly slept and when I woke up, I didn’t recall having any dreams at all. But then, just like the day before, when I went back to sleep, I dreamt of her for the seventh time. We were at what seemed to be a concert in a long building that at some parts of the dream seem to be tent. I was with the Eliathah praise team, though I don’t remember ever performing, and I don’t know if there were any other Eliathah members there besides Lifa and her mom. Amankwa and Tanya were there though. The building/tent was packed; it seemed like a big event. The main part of the dream started after seeing Angel and then feeling the impressive urge to go and tell her how beautiful she was. As I made my way over to her, I bumped into Amankwa and Tanya and I complimented them on there appearances. That started a brief conversation with them that I don’t remember, all I remember is wanting to hurry up and get over to Angel. As I once again searched for her, I ran into Sister K. She had some project for me that she was going to pay me for. I quickly accepted then got back on my sojourn. I was called by my brother and told that we were leaving. As I was walking to the car I met up with Nika and we had a short conversation that I remember enjoying. I find that a bit interesting. I’ve never once before had a dream with both Kanika and Kalifa active characters in it. As we walked to the vehicle I was just hoping that Lifa was riding with whoever we were riding with. She wasn’t in there and the dream ended with me standing next to the car. The whole dream there was a feeling of urgency, like this was a monumental moment. Even now, it feels like there’s something very important that I don’t yet remember, as it took quite some effort and time to remember this dream. When I woke up, I remembered next to nothing about the dream, only that Lifa was in it and that it seemed very important to me. But this week was a very emotional one. And it’s interesting to me that I would dream of Lifa for a whole week straight. That’s never happened to me before, with anyone.