April 18, 2010
The first thing I remember is being in a room with the Eliathah group. The room was burgundy and there was a chandelier with dim yellow lights. The room was pretty dark. There was a big table in front of us with a plain cream table cloth and fancy looking cutlery and plates. Bryan, Jay and I were sitting on some chairs against the wall while everyone else was in a crowd to our left. I think they were getting food. I didn’t realize it but Lifa was at the back of the group and so she was standing right by me. Bryan and Jay noticed, though, and Bryan started whispering, Lloyd, talk to her.” He looked so excited and was vigorously motioning with his arms. I was wondering why he would be so open about this with Jay around; I wondered if he knew that I told Jay that I liked Lifa too. I also wondered how I was going to tell him that I wasn’t after Lifa anymore. I made a face and waved my hand to turn down his suggestion. I didn’t look at the two of them again for a while. I figured I probably looked like the biggest punk ever, spouting out how much I’ve wanted her and then turning down a perfect opportunity to talk to her. I kept quiet for a while but I kept growing more and more tempted to say something. I finally gave in and started joking around with her. She had been standing the whole time, even after getting her food. She had put her plate down in the spot on the table right in front of me yet was still standing. When I started talking to her, though, she immediately took the seat right next to me. She seemed so eager to talk to me, like she was standing there just so I would talk to her.
I don’t remember how that scene ends and I know there were many more scenes after that one but I only remember the last one. I was in some sort of cafeteria it seems. There were the benches, which were a cream color, but the room was pretty small. The walls were white as were the lights. I remember the sunlight through the windows; it was like light through fog. And the windows were clear enough to question whether or not they were actually there. I was eating there and then Amankwa sits on the bench across from me. I don’t remember doing it but I think I asked her out and apparently she turned me down because the whole rest of the dream was her insulting me and calling me a loser. The only insult I specifically remember was her calling me a wanabe thug. To all her insults, I didn’t make much resistance. Everything she said was true, a little exaggerated but still true. She said just about everything bad I’ve ever done in my life and mentioned every bad aspect of me that I’ve ever acknowledged. Navin showed up in the middle of it. I told him what had happened so far and he asked me why I wasn’t defending myself. I told him that she was speaking truth. I also remember her telling me to walk the road instead of the sidewalk. I thought that was pretty funny so I smiled and she gave me a disgusted look.
This dream was one of the most vivid that I remember. When I woke and tried to remember the dream, I thought at first that the scene with Amankwa was an actual memory. It was only when I tried to remember when it happened that I realized it couldn’t have happened and it was a dream. Later in the day, my thoughts went to the first scene and I thought that that too was an actual memory and found out that it was a dream the same way. As for the Amankwa scene, it also became obvious that it was a dream when I remembered what she was saying. The Dream Amankwa knew everything about me, about my life in Maryland, about things that happened at Piper, even things that I never told anybody, things that only I know about myself. The scene was very disturbing. It was a bit depressing to hear all my mistakes at one time and hear Amankwa’s negative reaction to them. Unfortunately, the bad feelings of that scene initially overwhelmed the good feelings of the Lifa scene. I wish I remembered the rest of that scene. I feel like it was going somewhere good.
